Since i was a teenager i had a dream of finding THE ONE one day and we would live happily ever after just like fairytales. I thought alot about how we could meet one day and i prefered meeting him by accident because for me that would be so romantic and we would fall in love at fist sight just like movies!!
But real life is different. It is harder and cruler than i ever thought !
I was not attracted to any guy among those who tried to court me or even intrested till I knew my first love ( J ) actually we didn't meet personally we met online i know some of you would think such a relation through the internet is a a waste of time but i was challenging myself to find the perfect match, i was 23 years old then.
He was a tall guy with dark brown hair and big brown eyes, smart and very talented and more than all that
we shared alot of things in common so to me he was perfect and i was so lucky to meet him and oh yeah one more thing .. did i mentioned that he lived in another countery and he was married to another woman but they were going for a divorce and he used to live alone and the cam was the proof because we used to stay online for 15 hours and nobody at home !!
I knew how happy life could be with him only when he was around. He interdused me to his family and told them he wanted to marry me.. The moment he proposed was heaven, i really loved him more than myself and i was ready to leave eveything behind my family, career, future and everything to be with him and he asked to change my nationality to one of them and i know stupid of me i agreed ! I didn't know love is blind as i heard everybody saying all my life but it's the truth.
For almost three years our love was just like a dream or a scene from a romantic movie full of love and happiness though he was going through many problems his ex-wife and the divorce and how she made him suffer from one side and how the court forced him to pay her all the money he took from her and her family from the other side. All that and i was that supporting lover .. what an idiot !
Gradually his life got better and his problems were fading slowly just like his calls ! i wondered alot why his calls were not like before but everytime i gave him a different excuse, once i would say he is busy working or studying for master othertime he is just tired and our love is bigger than his counting calls. So i called him but no answer and when he answered he used to tell me " i can't hear your voice is so weak bye" and he hang up! it hurt me feelings alot because i knew he was lying his voice was clear enough and once he said that i used to say say something at the end of the call in a low voice and he could hear me if he couldn't, he wouldn't answer me and i told him that, he did't know what to say. And sometimes, he used to talk to me for few minutes when he wanted somebody to talk to and when i asked him about the place he was talking to me from, he remeberd his lie.. But again he was good with new excuses that he was too upset and he didn't wanna talk to me like that.. i mean alot to him and the last thing he wanted was to hurt me and i was his future wife to be and how our relation was getting stronger and our familes knew already about it. He even remnined me about our kids' names we chose together before then he finished his snetence with the most famous three words " i love you " i was touched .. i replyed " i loved you too ( J ) "
October 2006 a week before my birthday my phone rang and i jumped it was him .. immediately i knew it he would greet me earlier this year because every year i love to say it first to him before his family and his friends and he would do the same just to make things better between us i was so excited.. sooo excited.
i picked up the phone and i swear i was happy that he was trying to make things go back the same between us and i felt bad how i could think of him as a liar all those thoughts just becuase he calls a week before my birthday and i did't even pick up and answered. I picked up the phone and till now i can't forget his words..
me: Hi
J: Hi .. how are you?
me: fine .. great.. i'm happy you called
J: i can hear you have guests.. wanna me call later?
me: no.. it's ok.. they are not mine.
J: oh ok i just wanna tell you that i got engaged
me: .........
J: i met her last year she is beautiful
me: .........
J: how would i know if she is a good person ? <<< i know that was a stupid qustion but that what he asked
me: .......
J: helloooo you are still there !!
me ( crying silenty with a heart turned to ashes ): yeah i am here
J: so what you think
me: you know her for one year already so you're the only one who can asnwer that
J: wish me a good life please i really love her
me: congratulation
and with a knock on my door i told him i had to hang up because i had to prepare dinner for the guests. I hang up then i stayed on the sofe crying bitterly in the dark for the years i wasted and the love i gave.. the chances i missed in my life of meeting a good person.. i was downing in my regrets and pain till i was called again to help mom serving the dinner that night i really deserves an oscar i was a profissional actress i could hide my pain and could draw a fake smile on my face just to keep them from asking me what was wrong with me?!
That Night, i cried for four hours hating myself for being weak, he knew that i did't fight with him or talk to him about it because i was too hurt to say one word that's why i let him go qietly. He felt bad, he wanted me to do anything so he kept on calling, emailing add messeging me in the first few days just not to feel guilty but no reply.That call was my last and I left with one word " Congratulation! "
TERQUAZ
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